A Last Resort
by forever-a-thief
Summary: Sirius is depressed and tired. He takes a potion, attempting to kill himself, but the potion doesn't do what he thought it would. Now he is a child with a sporadic memory full of things that both scare and confuse him.
1. What Sirius Did

Chapter One: What Sirius Did

Sirius sat at the table in the kitchen, watching the argument with a calm, forced smile on his face. Though his house was often overrun by many people for Order meetings, he found it easily took his mind off of other, less entertaining things. With Remus to his left and Dumbledore and Snape arguing two feet away, Sirius could relax for just a little while. It was a simple distraction that he pretended to hate but secretly looked forward to.

As people began trickling out through his Floo, Sirius stayed at the table, staring blankly at the green flames flaring in the fireplace again and again. It was oddly mesmerizing, and with the last flare and guest gone, he saw the fire burn low and slowly die out. The room was thrust into darkness, and he was quickly overcome by a deep chill. He shivered but made no move to get up.

And then, just like every other night spent alone in his dark childhood home, he saw flashes of the Dementors. They always came in swarms in his flashbacks, and they always brought pain with them. He cringed against the feeling, like his soul was being sucked from him once again.

After a particularly horrible memory, he slammed his fists down on the table, only barely registering the fact that he was openly crying. He ignored it all and marched toward his potions cabinet.

"I don't care anymore, I don't _care_ anymore!" he screamed, throwing the cabinet door open. He only barely noticed a loud pop behind him as he shoved his hands through the different potions, searching for the correct one.

"Master," Kreacher ground out behind him, and Sirius growled, becoming impatient. "Master mustn't touch those potions. They be bad potions. Master knows this." Kreacher actually sounded worried for Sirius's health.

"Well, of course I know that," Sirius said, grinning wildly when he found the vial he wanted. He turned to Kreacher and smirked, tipping the vial up in a toast, and quickly downed it. Kreacher screached, and another loud pop was the last thing Sirius heard before he fell to the floor, curling up in a ball with a peaceful, mad smile on his lined, worn face.

Snape stomped through the mutt's fireplace, brushing dust off of his dark coat before turning his glare on the rest of the room. He hated being in Grimmauld Place, and Dumbledore knew it. More than the place, though, he hated the owner. Sirius Black was annoying and grating and the two despised each other; naturally then, Dumbledore sent him to retrieve the idiot. Black hadn't bothered answering any of Dumbledore's many firecalls over the last few hours, and the headmaster had begun to worry.

"He's not been acting himself these last few months, Severus. Just go check on him." Dumbledore had given him that look, the look that brooked no argument, and Severus had conceeded.

"Fine. But don't think I'm going to be nice about it," he had ground out, and Dumbledore had simply sighed but remained silent.

Snape flew out of his memories when he heard movement from the kitchen. Stomping angrily, he stormed through the doorway only to find Kreacher wringing his old hands and staring at a bundle of something on the floor. Upon closer inspection, the something, covered by an old blanket, seemed to be moving slightly.

"Kreacher!" Snape snapped, turning to focus on the old house elf. The elderly servant glanced up at him with a mixture of scorn and guilt. "Where's Black?" With a glance to the bundle on the floor, he added, "What's that?"

"Master Black," Kreacher grumbled, turning to look back at the oddly lumpy bundle. Snape's eyes jerked to it once more and frowned, confused. With a steady hand, he reached out and tugged the blanket down until he saw a little face, slack with sleep.

Snape reared back, a grimmace tearing at his face. The boy that had helped torment him throughout his school years was now laying on the floor, at his mercy. The tantalizing picture of him landing a swift kick to Black flashed through his mind a moment before he realized what exactly he was thinking. A sick feeling settled in his stomach and he inched away from the boy that was sleeping so peacefully.

"What did he do?" Snape asked quietly, looking around for any hints as to why there was a child before him instead of a middle-aged man.

"Master took one of the potions in the box. He wasn't supposed to. They are old and dark and bad. It was this one," Kreacher rumbled, tugging a vial out of the child's small hand. He handed it to Snape and then backed away, sending a cold look to the child at his feet.

Snape studied it closely, sniffing at the drops left behind, before he realized what it was. "Idiot!" the Potions Master growled, stuffing the vial in a pocket before turning to Black. He reached into the blanket and felt for a pulse, which was steady and healthy. He tried to pull Black's eyelids back to check his responses, but the boy jerked at his touch and flew up, quickly disentangling himself from Snape and the blanket.

Black was breathing heavy, back up against the table, his arms wrapped around his thin legs as he stared at Snape with wide eyes. "Who are you?!" he asked breathlessly, terror obvious in his big eyes. His gaze trailed around the kitchen and he frowned. "Where's Mum? And why's it so dirty?"

Snape rolled his eyes and stood, surprised to find himself not enjoying the fact that Black followed his movements and started shaking, trying to make himself as small as possible. Sighing, Snape frowned but looked down at Black.

"It's a long story. How old are you?" Snape would guess he was maybe six or so, so wouldn't have any recollection of him.

"I'm eight, sir," Black said quietly, leaning further into the table and giving Snape an distrustful glance.

Snape rose an eyebrow. "Eight? You can't be more than six; you're far too small." Severus leaned closer and studied him intently, watching as Sirius squirmed under his look with a pout. Snape could see bones on the boy where there should have been at least a bit of baby fat left. His eyes were slightly sunken and had dark circles beneath them. Altogether, the boy did not look healthy.

"Everyone always says that. But I'm _eight_." He pouted and turned his glare to the floor.

Kreacher chose that moment to reappear. "Master is correct. He was always small and sickly for his age. But this degree might be because of the potion, Master Snape. Master was not healthy last night." Sirius was giving Kreacher a funny look, but then turned to Snape.

"You live here? Since when? I think I would have noticed you around." Sirius pondered his predicament for a moment and then frowned, sighing into his knees. "I'm confused," he grumbled, glancing at Kreacher through his hair.

Snape growled out a heavy sigh and reached out for the boy, tugging him to his feet and dragging him through the living room to the fireplace. "What are we doing?!" Sirius shrieked, frightened now more than anything.

"We are going to Hogwarts, where you will no longer be my problem." Sirius didn't have any chance to argue before he was being thrust through the green flames and stumbling onto the rough carpet on the other side. The tall, dark man followed moments later and threw a disgusted look down at the boy trying to stand up at his feet.

"Dumbledore!" Snape shouted, moving past the boy further into the office. The old man shuffled out of a back room and smiled.

"Well, my boy? How is Sirius?" He sounded very hopeful and Snape frowned, dragging the child up and shoving him towards the headmaster. The old man's face seemed to falter for a moment, confused.

"I found Black knocked out on the floor. He was an idiot and took a potion that is impossible to reverse. It sends the drinker back to their youth and closes off the memories from adulthood. He doesn't remember anything. He thinks he's eight!"

Snape was angry that Black had taken a potion that left him both vulnerable and useless. No matter how much he didn't want to admit it, Black was needed, and now there was no way he was going to be able to help.

After the snarled explanation, Snape stomped away, slaming the door to the office shut behind him. He walked down to his rooms, glad that most of the students were away for the Christmas holiday. He made as much noise as he liked and felt his anger at Black beginning to diminish.

He sat down at the table and set the vial across from him, staring at it intently. Slowly, he shook his head and looked away, feeling almost jealous of Black. With an exhausted sigh, Snape stood and went about his duties, hoping he would never have to deal with the little Black again.


	2. What Now?

Dumbledore pondered their situation very carefully. Sirius was currently napping on his sofa, half his body falling off and his mouth wide open. It almost made him smile, until he remembered that Sirius should not be eight but in his thirties.

Now, the problem of where to place the boy that would be safe. He couldn't keep him at Grimmauld Place, seeing as no one actually stayed there consistently except Sirius. Also, Order meetings were held there, and Sirius was nothing if not curious. They were at the height of the war, right now. He couldn't ask someone in the Order to take the boy in. They had enough to worry about as it was. He supposed he could ask a teacher to look after him until more permanent lodgings could be found for him. As he mentally went through the list of teachers that he could both trust and that could cope with an energetic little boy, the list seemed to shrink exponentially. Until he was left with one name. And he would not be happy at all.

Severus was working on the wolf's monthly potion when he got Albus's patronus burst through the wall. Meet in my office, whenever you have time, _blah, blah, blah_. Severus rolled his eyes, already seeing where this was going, but resigning himself to it. He had no real choice, anyway.

Stirring one final time, he lowered the heat on the cauldron and set it to stasis before leaving his lab. The castle was practically empty this Christmas and he reveled in the quiet as he stomped up to the Headmaster's office once more. Just because he had resigned himself to his fate didn't mean he wasn't going to show his displeasure about it.

The gargoyle let him pass and he went up to the office slowly, dreading yet _another_ responsibility. Albus was sitting behind his desk when Severus quickly knocked and then immediately entered, knowing no one else would be in there but Black. As he passed the sofa, the boy looked up at him with big, wide eyes. Curiosity shone through brightly, and Severus nodded at him shortly before turning back to the Headmaster.

"Albus, I assume I know what this meeting is about." He sounded bored, but they both knew he was silently fuming beneath the surface.

"Yes, well. I have been wracking my brains about where to place young Mr. Black here, and you were the best solution I could think of on such short notice. He cannot continue to sleep on my sofa," the old wizard laughed, looking overtop his spectacles at Severus, raising a warning eyebrow when he saw the dark man open his mouth to retort.

Snapping his mouth shut with an angry twitch, Severus sighed heavily and nodded. "I assumed as much. What have you told him, about his situation?" The boy behind them pouted; they kept talking about him as if he wasn't even there.

"Nothing. He just woke up a bit ago and I gave him a book to read in the meantime, while we waited for you." Albus looked exhausted all of a sudden, and Severus rolled his eyes.

"Oh, please. The boy has been silent this whole time. He could not have made you that tired." Sirius gave an indignant huff from his spot on the sofa and rolled his eyes, running his fingers over the spine of the book he had been perusing before the Snape man arrived.

Albus smiled, eyes twinkling madly, and Severus sighed. He stood in one fluid movement and turned, beckoning the little boy to his side. "Come along, Black." He turned back to Albus and growled, "You owe me for this." Then he clamped a heavy hand down on Sirius's shoulder and guided him down the stairs and back out into the halls without a further word to the Headmaster.

Sirius kept trying to steal looks up at the strange man who had originally brought him to Hogwarts in the first place. He didn't understand why he was here. He wasn't old enough to go to school! He was only eight. Now that he thought about it, the house had seemed really dirty, too dirty for his mother's high standards. And Kreacher had looked older, and far worse for wear than he remembered. Just what was going on?

The confounded look on Black's face almost made Severus laugh, but he decided to wait and explain the situation to the boy once they were behind the safety of Severus's wards.

He guided the silent boy down to the Dungeons, but the boy didn't even seem to realize where they were. He tapped his wand on the wall where the entrance to his quarters was hidden, and suddenly a wall shimmered into existence. Sirius hummed in appreciation and followed Severus into the quarters.

Severus released Sirius's shoulder as if he had been burned and headed toward the kitchen, leaving Sirius hovering in the doorway feeling like a spare end. When he couldn't see Severus any longer, he cautiously moved further into the room, taking everything in. The rooms look comfortable and welcoming. There was a large fireplace, two well-worn sofas, a black leather armchair and a dark wood table. He peeked into the kitchen and saw the man near the kettle, making tea or coffe, he wasn't sure. He decided to settle carefully one of the sofas, waiting for the man to join him.

He returned moments later with a tray of biscuits and cups. "Here, this is hot chocolate. There are biscuits as well, help yourself." The man's tone had changed, going from terribly biting and sarcastic earlier to almost kind and cautious.

Sirius nodded his thanks and took his cup, breathing it in, hoping it would calm him down. After he had taken a few sips, he turned his attention back to the man and held his gaze, asking his questions with his eyes.

Severus sighed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, before leaning back in his chair, getting comfortable. He set the mug of coffee on his chest, studying Sirius over the steam from the drink.

"Yesterday, you were not an eight year old child; you were, in fact, the same age as myself." Well, that was blunt enough, wasn't it. It was a good think Sirius hadn't been drinking anything in preparation for something like this. Instead, his eyes just widened as he raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"And how did that happen, exactly? I don't remember doing anything, and I definitely don't remember being an adult yesterday."

Severus heard the skeptical tone and accio'ed the potion bottle he had placed on his desk from last night. "When I went to check on you last night at the Headmaster's request, I found this in your hand. It is a very old, very Dark potion. The label says it's the Last Resort potion. I'm assuming you say the title and thought it was a way to commit suicide. However, this potion does not kill; it de-ages the body and removes memories."

Sirius frowned. His adult life had been bad enough that he had wanted to kill himself?! "Why would I want to k-kill myself?"

The boy was starting to sound distressed, and Severus quickly accio'ed a Calming Draught for the young boy. "Here, take this." The boy nodded, nearly inhaling the potion and taking deep breaths to calm down. Was his life really that bad? Was it?!

Severus watched him, to make sure that the potion had done its job before he continued with his explanation. Though he did not like Black, he did feel bad that the boy was so confused and frightened.

"We actually went to school together. After graduation, your best friends were murdered and you were unlawfully imprisoned in Azkaban for twelve years until you escaped. You have been hiding out at Grimmauld Place ever since. However, your time in Azkaban had greatly affected you, and I assume you had had enough and decided to kill yourself. And, hence, your situation."

Severus had found that being blunt was usually the best approach when explaining things, especially with children. Sirius was bunching his hands up in his oversized T-shirt, staring blankly at the table between them, biting his lip with a concerned look on his face. After a few minutes, he finally looked up and met Severus's eyes.

"So, were we friends?" When Severus let out a harsh bark of laughter, Sirius blushed and went back to staring at his hands. "Yeah, I kind of assumed." He furrowed his brows together for moment, thinking hard before he looked up again. "So, if it's been, what, twenty-five years, that means my Mum and Dad are real old now, right? Are they okay? Or, not? Probably not, that's why I'm here, right? They're dead now," he sighed out, refusing to look back up at Severus. "And I bet Reggie hates me, right. That's why he wasn't called when you brought me here."

"Yes, your parents have both passed on. Your mother has a portrait at Grimmauld Place, but she is not very pleasant. Your brother has passed on, as well. I'm sorry." Sirius felt tears pricking at eyes but bit his lip to keep them at bay. His eyes fluttered closed and he let out a shaky breath before looking back up at Severus.

"Thank you for telling me. So, what now?" Severus nodded, setting his cup back down on the table and tugging the boy up to follow him to the hallway.

"This will be your room. This has been very short notice, so I don't have anything for you. This room is usually my godson's room when he visits, but he won't mind you using it, I'm sure. It gets a bit cold down here in the winters, so there are extra blankets in the cupboard, there." He reached a hand in one of the drawers and pulled out some sleepwear, deftly tugging his wand out to shrink them down to Black's size. "These will do for tonight. I will owl order some clothes for you tomorrow."

Sirius looked confused as he fingered the borrowed clothing. "Why do we have to owl order? Isn't Diagon Alley still going?" He looked up at Severus innocently, and Severus sighed, running a hand down his face as he thought how best to explain it to the young boy.

"We are at war, right now. A Dark Lord is terrorizing people, and tension is high in Diagon Alley. There is threat of the Alley being under attack soon, and I don't want us to get caught in the middle of it. So, we will order anything you need tomorrow. Now, it's time for bed."

Severus patted the boy on the back, slightly shocked at himself at the action, and then slowly backed out of the room. He waited a few minutes before returning to the room, noticing the boy hovering in front of the bed uncertainly.

"Come now, time for bed." Severus softened his voice and tugged the blankets back for Black. If anyone had told Severus that he would be tucking Sirius Bloody Black into bed even last night, he would have hexed them into next week. Yet, here he was, leaning over the boy as he crawled into bed, tugging the blankets up to his chin. Sirius looked up at him with sad, dark eyes, looking for something. What, Severus wasn't sure, but he decided to put aside their past rivalry for now in order to properly care for the child. For that's what he was now, just another child in his care.

Severus looked down at him for a long moment, then brushed a heavy hand down his fringe and his face, eliciting a tired, surprised giggle from the boy before he turned and snuggled down into the bedding. "Good night," Severus stated, straightening and heading to the door.

"'Night, sir," Sirius answered back, already halfway asleep. Severus paused in the doorway, watching the boy breathing regularly, before sighing and closing the door calmly behind him, leaving the boy to his rest.


	3. An Invitation

The next week seemed to go by in a blur. The boy kept himself to himself and tried to stay out of Severus's path as much as possible. He was quiet and distant, almost depressed. Severus tried not to think about it too hard as he threw himself into his potions. True to his word, the day after Sirius came to stay in his quarters they owl ordered everything an eight year old boy might possibly need. After that, however, they rarely saw each other outside of meals.

That was in need of change, Severus reflected with a sigh. He felt uncomfortable around the boy, not sure how to act around him or how to feel about him. And that had lead to ignoring the poor boy.

But Christmas was fast approaching, and Severus could not in good conscience ignore the holiday with a child in his care. He had had his fair share of miserable Christmas holidays, and he did not want to put any other child through that.

Dinner was silent as usual, until they both set their utensils down in unision. When Black moved to leave, Severus held him back with a gentle hand on his shoulder and a calming look on his face.

"I do not think the way we are going about this is going to work," he started calmly, noticing right away the panic overcoming Black's face, and cursed himself at his poor choice of wording. "I meant, that we cannot keep ignoring each other. You are under my care now, and as such, a relationship of some sort should be established. I want you to feel comfortable coming to me, whether it is important or you simply wish to talk." He nodded once to himself and then looked back up at Sirius to gauge his reaction.

The boy looked thoughtful, tracing the grain of the tabletop as he processed Snape's words. "You mean that? I'm really not a burden or a problem, then?"

Severus felt his face soften slightly. Though Severus couldn't stand some of the children he had to teach, mostly teenagers, he was exceptionally good with young children. A fact only a select few even knew about the dour Potions Master.

"You have been nothing close to a burden, and I doubt you could be unless you tried very, very hard." He trailed off for a moment, and then continued on, set in his plans. "Do you remember your cousin Narcissa?"

Sirius smiled fondly and nodded. "Cissy's always been nice to me. She's a little older than me. Well, I suppose a lot older than me, now. But I was always closer to her and Andi than Bella. Why?"

Severus grinned at the eager look on the boy's face. "Narcissa married Lucius Malfoy shortly after graduating. Their son is my godson, Draco. They have invited us to their manor for Christmas. Would you be agreeable to spending the holiday with them?"

Sirius's smile faltered for a moment. "Are you sure they want me to come, too? I mean, it seems like everyone we've talked about so far hasn't really liked me...," he trailed off, peeking up at Severus through his lashes.

Severus tilted his chin up with a finger, making sure to look Sirius in the eye. "Child, you may not have liked them as an adult, but that should not stop you from trying to have a relationship with them now. There is no history between you mucking it all up except what you have from your childhood. Now, how do you feel about this, hmm?"

With that reassurance, Sirius grinned widely, showing off the smile that had gotten him out of so much trouble as a teenager. Severus shivered at that look, but then shoved that aside as he patted the boy on the head.

"So, when do we leave, sir?" Severus rolled his eyes as the boy bounced in his seat, excited to see how Cissy had grown up.

"We leave tomorrow morning, and then we will be staying for three days. They are very excited to see you again, as well. Now, why don't you go pack a bag and we'll both get a good night's sleep before we have to leave. I doubt you'll be getting much sleep at the Malfoy's."

Sirius nodded eagerly and hopped out of the room, a goofy grin on his face. Severus heard the thumping and thudding coming from the room the rest of the night until it finally settled down around 10:30 that night. Sighing in exasperation, the man went to his own room and settled down for the night. He couldn't believe that he would be spending Christmas with Sirius Black, of all people. Yet, here he was, bending over backwards to make the boy happy. And happy he would be over this holiday, he would make sure of it.

With that vow to himself, he settled himself down for the night in order to keep up with the little menace all holiday. Oddly, he was actually looking forward to it...


End file.
